Pages

Sunday 23 February 2014

Easy To Forgive But Hard To Forget


Its unbelievable sem ni aku tak bagitahu sape-sape pun brapa pointer aku...
Xper aku xperlu pun nk share ngn sape-sape..
Mcm lah org peduli..
Cukup aku bersyukur sorang-sorang...
Bayar nazar...dan teruskan lagi usaha...

Tetibe aku teringat lelaki tu...
Dulu kami rapat....
Ye...dia mmg satu kuliah ngn aku..
Tapi dia superp sbb dia dh bljar sbelum we alls...
So, dia punye presentation n esaimen selalu dpt pujian....

Hari tu kami bergaduh...
Aku ngn kawan-kawan aku...
Adalah dlm 4 org...dan dia sorang....

Dia xpuas hati ngn kami masa buat kerja...
Padahal selama nie dia hanya mengarah..
Yela since dia lg bnyk pgalaman...
Kami tukang ikut je...

Dia mempersoalkan saat aku menyuruh nya menghargai penat lelah kawanku kerana kawanku yg itu telah banyak sekali menghabiskan masa dan tenaga demi projek itu...
Dia memberitau bahawa kenapa kami tak minta pertolongan dari dia kalau tak reti nak buat kerja...
Aku membalas..
macam mana kami tergamak nak minta bantuannya??
Baru sahaja bertemu mata...
dia terus menerus memberitahu jadual nya yg padat..
betapa penat nye dia kehulur ke hilir....
kami mempertimbangkan situasi dia....

Masih segar dlm ingatanku...
Tergamak dia mesej ngn aku bahasa kan 'aku'..'ko'...

Tergamak dia mengata kami semua dekat fb...
Cakap kami main-main buat kerja.,
Even rmai yg komen memihak kpda kami..
Tp hati kami hancur...2 org sahabat aku nangis..
Aku cuba bertahan sambil reply msej dia,.aku still bahasakan 'awak' .. 'saya'.. 'awak'...
Kami semua masa tu puasa tp kawan ku yg tu tidak mampu nak berbuka bersama-sama kerana dia tidak dapat mnahan air mata nya dari menitis...

Dan yang paling aku tak mampu nak lupakan ialah....
saat dia menghina aku.
silap aku kerana dulu masa semester satu aku pernah memberitahunya pointer aku berapa...
memang tak leh lawan la ngn pointer dia tu...

masa kami sdg berbalas sms tu....

 dia ckp sampai bila2 pun pointer aku xkan naik

Allah...aku seolah ditusuk sembilu...dulu dia yg mmberi kata motivasi.

seorang kawan tergamak dia...

selepas beberapa hari,kami semua berdiam diri...
kami meneruskan projek sesama kami sahaja.

tak lama kemaudian dua org shabatku itu kelihatan mesra dgn nya...aku memang tabik sbb mereka hebat...

Aku agak susah melupakan smua yg berlaku memandangkan aku yg bermesej ngn dia...aku tak bertegur sapa dgnnya...dia mula me.manggilku shafiqah..tp since aku tak biasa jd aku xmenjawab pun...selepas itu dia kembali memanggil sally...aku menurut sahaja apa yg dia suruh kerana aku seorang je dlm 4 org kwn k yg satu kumpulan dgnnya....aku harus professional dan tidak boleh mengikut emosi..

memandangkan subject itu adalah subject kesukaan ku semua nya sangat memberangsangkan...markah untuk midterm aku tertinggi dan presentation kami dipuji..alhamdulillah...aku syukur...

selepas itu aku berfikir...aku maafkan dia walaupun dia tak pernah melafazkan ucapan maaf....
bila berjumpa dia menegur..aku senyum...

tapi benarlah kata orang....memaafkan itu mudah tapi untuk melupakan apa yg sudah berlaku..ianya termaat perit dan sukar.

Saturday 22 February 2014

I notice everything, I just act like I don't...

Assalamualaikum readers....

yeah..long time no see...

I'm just feeling not well recently...
I've to think twice if I wanna go out and grab  something to eat....
I don't really have a lot of money that can ensure will stay safely in my purse until this 28th...

it's hard because every new semester come, there will always be a problem with my loan...
Well....it should be in my bimb since the first week of my new semester.

Nevermind....

Let's say..if today I'm having my rameen so tomorrow nasi bujang will be my great dinner since I just eat once a day.

Yupp..Sometimes it's hurt deep inside being like this...but I keep telling myself...my situation is nothing to compare with others...somebody might drink a milk from a dog today....but anybody cares? No one !!!

then I told myself....

Just smile..Allah with me and He will never leave me alone even my own friends did that to me....Allah will never burdening His servant with a big difficulties that we can't take it...As my mom said....I have her... she still alive so don't worry cause herself will keep supporting me...

There's a bunch of people keep judging my life....they love to talk at my back....keep complaining and comparing their life with my life..

I notice everything, I just act like I don't...

and one more thing that really frustrating enough was..

Why she keep doing this to me....????

We never talk until she wanna something from me....am I a doll...? Am I your 'taik idung'?

The other friend already told me that you will keep doing this...but I wouldn't care because I thought this time you really appreciate what ive done....I don't need your thank you or anything but i i want you to remember me not even in your difficulties but in your everyday life...

How could you did this..

you find if you want then you leave after you've done.

I notice everything, I just act like I don't...

I don't wanna cry for this...you are absolutely not worth to it.

please....stop torturing my feeling....stop find me in your complicated situation...stop leaving me....stop using me....

could we be like before....?

I don't hate you for using me for your own....I just felt so sad cause why we end up like this....

you just text me if you want me as if there's no one with you.

stop doing that...I'm tired of this fake relationship...please im begging you lets be a good friend in the future....I wanna start all over....I don't wanna feel horrible if my family asking about my friends..

I will wait for you to see how much I love you and I hope our childhood memory will bring our happiness back....like before.


****

*the moment that you want someone to read this and hopefully they will understand your feeling and you will get back....but unfortunately there's somebody else that put their ownself to be the characters in my entry...it is frustrating.